Every Pet I Ever Had This Man Killed

Growing up for me was fast and hard. I grew up in a brutal home where I endured physical and mental abuse from my stepfather.

The physical abuse was often severe beatings from the buckle of the belt, a fist, or a swift kick from a steel toed boot. The physical abuse was almost tolerable compared to the mental abuse! For years I had to listen to this man beat and sodomize my mother, and often the sodomy was done at gunpoint.

Every pet I ever had this man killed. He once made me hold my pet cat while he decapitated it telling me, “You let go of that cat and I'll do this to your mom and make you watch.” I was around 8-9 years old. Later I learned that he would threaten my mom with making her watch him kill me if she ever left him.

Just shortly after my 13th birthday I was at a friend's house and he showed me his dad's 38 pistol. When I left his house the gun went with me! I kept it under my mattress for 3 days trying to get the nerve to kill and all I needed was for him to hit or rape my mom and I'd have the nerve.

I came home from school to find him sitting at the kitchen table with this 38 and it was easy to see that it was still loaded. He asked, “What's this?” and I still don't know how I did it, but when I pretended to sit at the table I grabbed the gun and had it cocked and pointed at him. Then I said, “To kill you the next time you hurt me or my mom.” He never tested my nerve.

With him at gunpoint, I called my friend and he came over. I told him to go into my room and pack me some clothes. While he was doing this I was telling this man in graphic detail how I would kill him slowly and painfully if he ever put his hands on my mom again.

Thirteen years old and out my own! I quickly got into drugs and by 14 had worn out my welcome at friends houses where I stayed after leaving home. Fourteen years old, out on the streets, sleeping in abandoned buildings, and eating out of dumpsters. By age 16 I was a full fledged crack head and the streets had hardened and frozen my heart. I was doing anything necessary to support my habit, stealing and other criminal activity.

I tried getting and staying clean a few times but was never successful. I moved in with my mom only to end up maxing out her credit card at the ATM and forging personal checks to support my habit, stealing from other family members until I'd lost all trust and confidence from my own family.

I've been in prison since May 1998. Fifteen years of prison combined with a bad childhood and being a drug addict has been a long, hard road. For the first 13½ years, I did my time as if I had no out date, and experimenting in the deep, dark world of homosexuality looking to fill the void I've always had in my life.

I've taken full responsibility for my actions and am starting to get answers to why I did it from this Christian book called 12 Steps With Jesus. It deals with all addictions, not just drugs and alcohol. In the past 6 months I've underwent a tremendous change after sincerely asking Jesus to come into my life, and started putting him first.

Yes, I still struggle but... I faithfully believe that because God knows the intent of my heart and my real passion to change, I have been being blessed abundantly!

It was no coincidence for me to be chosen out of 700+ men to be in this faith based program. It's by no accident that you went from not being able to get me into Alpha House until 2014 to August of 2013, my early release date.

This is nothing but God working in my life opening doors of opportunity that otherwise would be closed to me.

Our new Alpha group here at Muskegon is going well, THANK YOU!!

I'm confident that if it's God's will, I'll be there at the end of August, and if not, then this just means that God has something better for me later. If I do not get a parole, I will contact you expeditiously so you can offer my spot to someone else. If this occurs, please be advised that I would want to remain on your list for coming to Alpha at a later date.

I hope this will give you a little insight into my story and I look forward to advancing my relationship with you when I arrive at Alpha House. Please feel confident of my passion to get out and become part of your success rate, and to become a productive citizen of society.

Respectfully yours,
Guy -- Originally published in May 2013